Sunday, December 28, 2008

Christmas Story

We made it home for Christmas! We made merry with my mommy darling, brother, family and family friends for three days. Highlights included: watching David interact with my extended family. He is charming and delightful, they are charming and delightful, and fun was had by all. I also loved watching my 2 year old cousin play. He is full of joy and giggles. It was fun. We also hung out with David's sister and her family.

Travel back included a 10-hour late train, 8 hours being stuck in a mountain pass waiting for a broken freight train to be hauled out of a tunnel (no cell service), and some crabbiness on the down side. Silver linings included: wintry mountain scenes without worrying about driving, plenty of time to read a new book, and arriving home on time for David to play a gig with his band.

Merry Christmas, everyone. I was struck many times this year with minor bursts of understanding our celebration - our King chose our weak flesh, chose humble beginnings and a painful end to bring us salvation, peace, joy.


It came upon the midnight clear,
That glorious song of old,
From angels bending near the earth
To touch their harps of gold:
"Peace on the earth, good will to men,
From heaven's all-gracious King."
The world in solemn stillness lay
To hear the angels sing.

Still through the cloven skies they come
With peaceful wings unfurled,
And still their heavenly music floats
O'er all the weary world;
Above its sad and lowly plains
They bend on hovering wing,
And ever o'er its Babel-sounds
The blessed angels sing.

Yet with the woes of sin and strife
The world has suffered long;
Beneath the heavenly strain have rolled
Two thousand years of wrong;
And man, at war with man, hears not
The tidings which they bring;
O hush the noise, ye men of strife,
And hear the angels sing!

O ye, beneath life's crushing load,
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow,
Look now! for glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing;
O rest beside the weary road
And hear the angels sing!

Monday, December 22, 2008

I'll Be Home for Christmas

Maybe.

We have Amtrak tickets that say we are going home (to my mom's house) tomorrow. Although getting over that dang mountain range and into the snow flurries and wind storms of the West has caused no end of problems for stranded travelers here, I am hopeful. Mostly hopeful, anyway.

Poor Christina is (still) stuck here. At least I got to hang out with her yesterday, which would never have been possible otherwise (she was on a DC to Seattle flight that landed here).

Today we finished the snow castle. It's amazing. Maybe even newsworthy. It's taller than David's head and decorated with icicles. I helped until my fingers hurt through 2 pairs of gloves today. Awesome.



Sunday, December 21, 2008

Superfun snow!

Well, 30" later, our first Snowstorm left everyone shoveling furiosly and acting neighborly. David very kindly rescued my car with his dad, and snowplowed the entire block. And built more snow castle. I've been somewhat left out of the activities due to a raging sinus infection. This morning I woke up to a tinkling sound and thought, "hmmm. Either a robber broke in to pee on our floor or something is leaking. David and I leapt out of bed to a burst pipe and three new inches of snow! Hurray! Happy winter, everyone.


P.s. My computer broke so pictures will only follow if David grants his lowly servant permission to put them on his computer first. In awesome news, I'm blogging from my new iPod! Thanks, husband!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Snow Day!

It was snowing when I left for work yesterday morning at 7:10. It is still snowing today at 10 a.m. It has not stopped - apparently we have a new record! 17" in 24 hours! We even beat last January's dumpdown.

I left work at 3:00 sharp. I walked in the doors of my house at 6:27. Traffic was the worst mess I have ever seen. When I heard on the radio that my hill was closed I almost cried. It had taken me an hour (maybe more) to go west of the only open street to the south hill. I would have to backtrack to the street so I could have a chance at driving up a steep, snowy street. It wasn't worth it (and I was running out of gas). I parked my car on the side of the road and walked home. It took me 20 minutes. I was zooming past the cars waiting through 4 light changes to make it through the intersections. Suckers.

Pictures to follow.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Babies, babies everywhere

If you are currently participating in dangerous kissing behavior, or you want to, ye be warned.

Speaking of smooches, there are a lot of pregnant people around. It makes me nervous. Like it's catching. Come to think of it, I frequently worry about pregnancy around this time of year. Any ideas why?

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Sheesh.

We had a little excitement today at school. Ten minutes into 5th period, the principal announced that we were in lockdown.

Awesome.

When it's a drill, they tell the teachers ahead of time. They hadn't said a word.

We sat on the floor in the back of the room with all the lights out and the blinds shut for about 20 minutes.

We found out later that a student had a severe case of the idiots and didn't think before he packed his backpack. He brought a practice grenade to school. Oops. Turns out that practice grenades look a lot like real grenades, and if you have one, you should never bring it to school.

All is fine, but it was moderately concerning. 20 minutes is a long time to wonder what's going on.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Plans

We applied here today.

Update: New House

We moved from David's studio apartment into a house he remodeled a couple years ago! It's only half a block away, which, combined with other motivating factors, made our move the fastest in history.

Here's a brief photo-tour:
My own personal reading nook


David's drumming nook and where you'll sleep if you stay with us


Self explanatory (note the roses on the counter)


Living room with pillows from Africa!


The musical corner of the living room


Dining area

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Oh, children.

Quote of the day:

Profesora, I can't learn colors. I'm psychedelic. Wait... I mean dyslexic.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Daylight Savings and Drunkards

I've been feeling pretty blue since Daylight Savings brought eternal darkness to my world. The silver lining includes seeing the sunrise when I drive to work, and, on good days, the sunset as I'm driving home. The bad part is that I'm inside for each and every hour of light. I think it makes me a little depressed. Last week got so bad that I stopped doing things that I know will make me feel better (exercise! vitamins! vegetables! googly eyeing!). This week I'm hoping to turn things around. I'm seriously looking at HappyLights, and I'm scheduling in gym time (which also means I'm leaving work before 6 pm). The St. John's Wort tea I bought today apparently makes my birth control less effective, so... anyone want it?

On a completely separate topic, David and I got some fun People-Watching in last night at one of his colleague's birthday bash. We went to the Casbah, a new bar downtown. I don't usually do the bar scene, so it was highly entertaining for me. I've avoided most interaction with drunk people, preferring people as they are, and this gave me a nice jolt of reminder that being drunk is the antonym of being glamorous. We had fun - we danced and were silly and talked to people and avoided the unwanted attentions of drunk men.

And David's band is playing there next month. Wahoo!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Parent Conferences

My place of employment has the dubious distinction of being the only high school in the area that holds parent conferences. Last night, all the teachers gathered in the commons, set out our gradesheets and waited for parents to show up. Usually the conversation follows this script:

Parent: I'm Eduardo's mom.
Teacher: Hello! Eduardo is such a pleasure to have in class. He still has an A, and is across the board delightful. Everyone loves him and occasionally we spend all class admiring his unique combination of intelligence, charm, popularity, and athleticism. We have decided it is all due to the influence of his mother. Congratulations. I have a plaque with flowers right here for you: Our Madre NĂºmero Uno.
Parent: I thought as much.

But sometimes, mom is feeling unbalanced. The kid is failing or (gasp!) has an A-. It's obviously THE TEACHER'S fault. Mom comes in and publicly humiliates new teachers in front of the other parents and her colleagues and students. The teacher then holds back tears as she searches in vain for the restroom (which she cannot find because she is new to the school), and finally hides under a table in the art room to cry quietly.

Not like that happened to me last year or anything.

It wasn't nearly as bad this year. My favorite mom came - she always makes me feel special. The grumpy parents were (rightfully) grumpy at their kids for skipping, not turning junk in, failing tests, etc.

But still. 12 hour days in which the last three are parents... yikes.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Catching up: Marriage

Being married is way fun. I am feeling particularly gushy this evening because David spent the last 30 hours or so spoiling me like crazy. I had a 4 day weekend (so I can praise the Lord with Becky), so David told me not to make plans between Sunday afternoon and Monday evening.

We started out at the Melting Pot eating the most delightful fondue. Bread chunks dipped in boston lager and melty cheddar cheese, anyone? Then amazing Simmer-Your-Own-Cajun-Rubbed-Meat, followed by a little piece of every dessert to be dipped in a chocolate peanut butter fondue. How can you top that?

By taking me to a romantic hotel so we can share a bottle of wine and make googly eyes at each other.

By letting me wander around Aunties and Pier 1 and eating at Clinkerdaggers with me. Then coming home and reading on the couch next to each other.

Sigh of contentment.

We have some difficult moments (usually me being insecure about __________ and freaking out. David then feels like he's done something wrong, and I feel guilty about feeling insecure. It's silly, and it really sucks in the midst of it, but lucky for me I married a good communicator.)

Mostly it's just blissful, and I am filled with all sorts of smooshy feelings in my insides that make me grin really big and trip over things.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Catching up: School

School seems like the easiest thing to write about.

Usually I feel like The Mary Show does a reasonably good job at a) Keeping Children Awake, and b) Learning Them Up. Then, when I least suspect it, a kid falls asleep in class.



Luckily for my ego, a kind suck up or two will exclaim, "How could anyone fall asleep in this class? It's my favorite." This particular soul didn't wake up until well into the following period. That's right. I let him sleep. I figured being embarrassed and late to his next class might keep him from doing it again. It beats getting mad, anyway.

Sixth period is still my Doom and Destruction. You may see me in the news as the teacher who threw six students out the window in one period. And the rest of the class applauded her.

David and I went to the Drama Club's Improv Night this week. Some of those kids are stinking funny. There were some dumb moments, but mostly it was a kick.

The quarter ended yesterday (= grades due soon). I'm currently deciding which assignments to grade and which to just slap a sticker on and hand back.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Today was Gina's celebration of life service. It was touching and heartfelt and sad.


photo courtesy of Ben Blood

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Sorrow

I haven't been writing about what has been at the forefront of our thoughts over the last two months. David's mom is dying from cancer. It has been a source of deep sorrow to see a woman so filled with life and strength and sass be in so much pain, her spirit is trapped in a body under attack.

I intended to write more, but I'm not sure I can right now.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Back to School

All went well. I love my second year students - they are so fun and so warm and joyful. Last Friday they spent almost the entire hour listening to a story I wrote about how a girl in the class went to the Olympics to compete in trampoline with her cockroach friend. It was really fun. The first year classes I don't like as much as last year, but they're mostly ok. They behaved really well and were learning on schedule.

Until hellions plagued my 6th period class with their baneful presence. At first I thought they were just the usual rowdy boys, but it escalated. When two freshmen boys continued to steal each other's belongings, we had a class-wide chat (the You-Are-In-High-School-Now-Act-Like-A-Grownup-Or-Get-Out-Of-My-Class one). They settled down for a little while, at least until the body parts started flying around the room. That's right. Some kid had a prosthetic ear that fell off and rolled across the floor of the class and came to rest at my feet.

Read that last sentence again. I want to make sure you got it.

All hell broke lose, naturally. They are thankfully gone now, even the kid who was punished for yelling, "Earless Hobo!"

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Post Script

School starts the day after tomorrow.

I am physically ready. Lessons are planned, copies are made, posters are tacked, papel picado is draped.

Excitement is lacking, motivation has run to the hills, doughnuts are consumed in stress.

A Real Yogi

I started going to yoga class again at the gym three weeks ago. It feels wonderful to bend in funny ways and feel worked out without a treadmill.

However, don't be too impressed. My favorite poses are Happy Baby and Corpse Pose.

In fact, I start sneaking peaks at the clock just waiting for those two about 20 minutes before the class ends.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

My aunt and uncle have been going through my grandpa's papers and files - a daunting task that is taking a long time. Periodically they send a big envelope of old letters, pictures, news articles, and other paraphernalia they think I would find interesting. I always do because I'm a nerd like that.

This morning I opened their most recent gift. They found my grandpa's Proud Father file for my daddy. There were priceless old photos of him in high school working in his shop, clippings of the Moscow, Idaho newspaper about him as the featured cellist in the University symphony. I had no idea he was making cellos and playing featured solos in the University symphony as a sophomore in high school. There were also old programs from his funeral, at which members of the Seattle Symphony played, as he made the bows for most of the strings section. There's still an article on the internet about him.

It made me cry. Still, after almost 10 years, I feel a deep grief for his absence, and illogically hope that it will all have turned out to be a mistake and he can come be my dad again.



Friday, August 15, 2008

Happy Twomonthiversary, David!

You're amazing and I love you.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

David

is now playing Wii boxing with the young son of a family friend. He is really good with kids, and makes me all swoony.

Swoon.

Wii Party

I've decided my small group is fun. Not only did we meet as a small group, but one of the girls took me to yoga yesterday. Then tonight, two more came over to play Rock Band. Tomorrow night we're all meeting up for a Bollywood party complete with an Indian Feast.

They're really fun.

And we have hula hoop tournaments in the alley



And Clue Parties in the park.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Sleepbeating

I dreamed about being trapped on a rickety old boat in the middle of the Mississippi River being forced to play ridiculous camp games by a group of armed bad guys. The winners got to live. One of the games involved hitting the other team with an object.

I woke up with a start and realized I was beating my husband over the head with a pillow.

He was very gracious about it.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Signature

I spent the greater part of the afternoon at the DMV to change my name (finally) on my license! When the lady asked me to sign my new name in the yellow box, I hesitated. Apparently I am not a real girl because I have not practiced my new signature.

David was so happy about my new license he grabbed it and showed a friend across the room. I should have done it sooner.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Summer News

Vegas was fun. The teacher conference made me laugh like crazy and gave me some great ideas for incorporating silly stories in my classes. I love silly stories. It made me happy to see a style of teaching that I feel uses my gifts. The hotel was ridiculously far from the Dazzly Part of town, but I caught a ride one afternoon and just walked around for hours and hours. I had fun, spent very little, ate yummy food, and ended up with gelato in St. Mark's Square:
photo taken by an old man who was laughing at my attempt to take a picture of me

Otherwise I have been assiduously avoiding thank you notes and all paperwork (ie name changing).

We've been spending quite a bit of time with David's family. The out-of-town relatives have mostly gone home, and we get to focus on the immediate family.


And we made a serious purchase, and have been working hard on it.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Treasure

I discovered wedding pictures that were surreptitiously uploaded on my computer by an angelic bridesmaid (or was it a group plot?)

Thank you!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Las Vegas, anyone?

Rather suddenly, I realize that I am going to Las Vegas next week. I've never been, and truthfully never cared much about going. However, I find myself in need of very specific teacher training to keep some peace at the place of work. My options at this point were limited. Las Vegas has the cheapest airfare.

I haven't traveled much by myself in the US. I went to France and Portugal for trips my myself no problem. I speak the language, and somehow Las Vegas seems scarier. Much scarier.

And I'll be away from my charming, funny, and handsome husband for three days. Pout.

I hope I can get over being scared. I want to go out and see things and have fun outside of my hotel room. Hopefully I will. I'll let you know.

In the meantime, anybody want to join me?

Honeymoon Photos





Wednesday, July 02, 2008

As demanded...

We are married, honeymooned, and mostly moved in! (if anyone knows how to insert joyous and celebratory music for a blog entry, let me know). This post will have to be brief, as it is after 1 pm and I haven't left the house yet. I do promise honeymoon pictures and more introspection later.

Best wedding day memories:
All of my dearest friends generously getting things done without being asked.
Feeling like a princess.

Best ceremony memory:

During the ring exchange, we both teared up and I stopped shaking and realized it was real and done and beautiful.

Best reception memory:
Getting a sneaky note from Caroline Fowler that said I looked beautiful and still very much like myself.

Best Davenport memory:
Waking up and eating room-service breakfast in bed with my husband. (Sorry if you were looking for a more titillating memory. This is a G-rated blog).

Best Honeymoon memories:

Doing nothing except hanging out with my best friend.
Salsa dancing in a cuban bar.
Hearing David giggling like I've never heard him giggle before when we swam with dolphins.
Fine dining on the beach (like, this-table-is-in-the-sand-on-the-beach, not what-a-lovely-view-of-the-beach) at sunset.
Zip-line jungle tour.

And check out these PHOTOS!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Day Before

Dear Body,

This is Mind. I'm going to try to be polite, but it's going to be difficult. Why did you wake me up at 5am with a killer Charley Horse? NOT NICE. And you feel barfy - don't you know we have TONS to do today? And what is with the breakout?? I can't just be limping around feeling sorry for you all weekend. We're getting married for crying out loud. Pull yourself together.

Dear Mind,
Just shut up. Do you know what your stress hormones do to me? Don't you dare blame me for something you caused. I think you owe me an apology. And breakfast.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Just a tad

I spent about half of my prep period crying under my desk.

I'm a little stressed out.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Magic

One of my students put on a magic show this week. That sounds cheesier than it was - he is a very charismatic and talented person, and the show was incredibly entertaining. Two parts of his show blessed me immensely: watching the two thuglike teenage boys burst into stitches and hearing my student cheerfully (and unconsciously) repeat my words to the audience.

You in the back! I see you! You might as well participate because we're not moving on until you do.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Introspection

I went to two weddings yesterday afternoon. Both were beautiful, both suited the couples' personalities perfectly. Listening to two different sets of vows and two sermons on marriage was timely, to say the least.

While I was driving from one wedding to the other, the idea of marriage - what it means, what it takes - crashed into my mind. In many ways I feel so unprepared. Aren't I supposed to be mature in order to get married? Don't I have to be this upstanding selfless woman who prays for her husband and future children for four hours every morning? Don't I have to be responsible with money? Don't I have to be unashamed of my naked body (and therefore weigh a ridiculous number on the scale)? All these questions overwhelmed me with feelings of complete unworthiness. I'm incapable of being a good wife.

While there has been so much healing in me - David being the catalyst for much of it - I am still mired in many insecurities. So I spent my drive thinking about where it comes from. A lot of my self-condemning language came from my dad. I don't want to pass it on to my children.

And then God decided I had done enough thinking on my own and stepped in. He said, "Mary." He always starts out by saying my name. "David is a gift. Your marriage is my grace to you. Your marriage is your mission to the world. You have never been worthy of the gifts I give you. That's the point, isn't it? While you were still a sinner, I died for you. And now, haven't you thought enough about yourself? Think about me. Love me. I will heal you if you'll only just look at me and let me."

So that's what I've been thinking about.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

With apologies for being late...

I know. Two and-a-half weeks to go, and I haven't blogged anything of substance in... a while.

In wedding plans: In 19 days I will be a married woman. When I think about them, planning details are overwhelming. I'm trying to make To Do lists with manageable chunks. Up next: marriage license, confirm details with Gonzaga, figure out where to buy a garter, buy a garter. Aside from the list, I'm excited. Really excited.

School: I have to teach 10 more lessons, including finals. I'm excited to be done - that means that somehow I survived this crazy first year and maybe I can keep going. I do genuinely like my students (almost always), and I love it when they have that burst of understanding. It's a rush. I had to deal with cranky crazy mom again today - but she was Cranky, Crazy, and Downright Mean enough this time to just send it right on to the Powers That Be, who promised to take care of it. Their response warmed my heart ("She's given us this shit before. I'll take care of it.")

Other: How do you know if you're getting an ulcer? Just curious.

The irises are blooming outside my house. They are my very favorites, and I spent about 20 minutes this evening taking pictures after my run.

I love running in the spring - the earth is finally alive. It smells like something new every few steps. It's hot enough to sweat, but not enough to make me want to drink out of random sprinklers. The birds sing louder.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Impotence of Proofreading By Taylor Mali

My extra little burst of giggles today.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Internet Fun

My high score is 80%.

Countries like Gabon, Qatar, and Bahrain kill me.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

A tad unorthodox

The nurse came in to lunch the other day, saw us all looking glum, and gave us a copy of this.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Sudden Insight

Someone asked me this morning if I was nervous about getting married.

I knew the answer immediately - no way.

I'm way excited. The only thing keeping me a little patient is the 187 things remaining on the to-do list (Not an exaggeration. There are actually 187 things on the list).

Checked off the list yesterday: Picked up David's band. Bought flower girl dress. Got 400 stamps in the mail. Printed address labels.

Maybe y'all can help with bridesmaid shoes, though. We're having trouble deciding. I like these
and these and more. Any more ideas?

Sunday, April 13, 2008

I hate grading.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Snapshots of Today

I almost didn't go to the gym today. I even parked, walked to the door, and paused. I did go, but the only motivating factor was getting to listen to my audiobook.

I am wearing my Christmas reindeer pajamas.

Living alone is not for me. My roomies have been on tour, and while I don't see very much of them it is sad that they aren't here altogether. It makes me nervous of small noises, terrified to leave/enter the house in the dark, and lonely. Only a week or so left.

Body issues attempted to consume my afternoon thoughts. That's maybe a whole new post.

At lunch, I had something in my teeth. A coworker offered some dental floss, but I said no thanks - I'd work it out. And I did. In the bathroom with a hair. You read right - don't make me repeat it. It worked like a charm. As I walked out of the bathroom, the coworker (lurking in the hallway), threw the dental floss at me. I confessed. We laughed.

Said to me by a student: "You must be in a really good mood today. You're nicer." As opposed to most days when I'm a sadistic dictator.

The lack of wedding planning notes and work-related complaints is deliberate.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Photoshoot (aka The Game That Never Gets Boring)

David and I decided to take our own engagement photos, but we need some help choosing which ones to include as a 3'6" by 5' poster for the wedding ceremony backdrop. Help!

Photo 1:

David says he's making a funny face, but I think he's handsome.


Photo 2:
Here's a fun candid that I think really captures our spirit.


Photo 3:

I love that we're looking lovingly at each other in this one.


Which one is best?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Spring Break?

Today marks the full official day of Spring Break, and all the freedoms, sleep, and sweatpants that ensue. I say official because technically I took a sick day yesterday (a legitimate sick day filled with Sinus Wonder). I have dreamed of this week, oh, since mid-January. The crocuses magically reminding the other flowers that it is spring, the temperature rising enough to wear a feminine flowered skirt, the books on my shelf becoming friends with me again.

Imagine, then, my consternation when I glance out the kitchen window to see this:



And run to the back to make sure.



And run to the front to double check.




And scrape the five inches of snow off my car, so I can go have breakfast with David.

It's almost April, weather. Stop being a jerk.

*note: sorry about the sideways pictures. If I knew how to right it, I would.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Mary is...

This is a fun game:

The contradictions are amusing:

mary is the mother of god
mary is a devil


or

mary is a whore
mary is still a virgin


My relationships appear unhealthy:

mary is the last thing i own
mary is unbelieving; makes acquaintance with the fairy
mary is beheaded by her cousin



Some things are true:

mary is arrested for giving brownies to suffering patients
mary is busy


Some are just silly:


mary is a chicken
mary is looking to hire hundreds of monsters





mary is for everyone

My Horoscope

Karli read this out loud from the paper today as a joke:

Pisces: Musician Sarah McLachlan told the crowd at one of her concerts: "I feel great about singing really depressing songs." In the U2 song "A Man and a Woman," Bono sings, "The only pain is to feel nothing at all." They are your role models in the coming week, Pisces. I hope they inspire you to feel grateful for your capacity to experience such intense emotions. You're lucky to be so sensitive! You're blessed to have so much vital force! So please celebrate your talent for feeling melancholy and overwhelmed. Congratulate yourself for being such a connoisseur of guilt, confusion, and anxiety. You're more alive than other people. You've got a soul as big and wild and deep as the Amazon River.

Oh, I'm grateful.

And more alive than all of you suckers!

No, actually, I've been downright cheerful all week. Oh well. Maybe I'm dead like everyone else.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Improving Slowly

I've felt much better since Sunday; an event I attribute to continued salsa lessons, newly acquired vitamins and discovering this website. Thanks, Jake!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

I feel like this most of the time:



The last couple months, I've been constantly on the edge of falling into a muddy pit. I'm one misunderstood comment away from sobbing inconsolably for two or three days. I'm irritable and snappy. The you're-not-and-never-will-be-good-enough dragon whispers constantly in my mind. I feel at fault for everything tragic, wicked, or annoying in the world.


And while this might be a usual sort of funk for first year teachers, for women planning a wedding, for women adjusting to hormonal birth control, for Eastern Washingtonians in March when the weather forecast says rain/snow 35 degrees every day for the next ten days, I want out. Normal or not, I want to be healed. I want joy and peace that seems impossible right now. I want to run from the voice that yells You're Too ______________ (stupid, lazy, fat, ugly, boring, etc) and You Don't Have Any ________________ (strength, friends, talent, time, energy).

How do I summon the gumption to get out of bed when I am so worn down I don't have any fire left in me?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Magical Mermaid Lungs

While proctoring this test to juniors who failed the reading/writing portion, I ran across this old memory:





It almost made me laugh during the test (gasp! horror! not that!)

Saturday, March 08, 2008


Current Stress:

the guest list numbers nearly 500.

our room holds 250.

assuming 15% of the people invited don't show, we still need to pare down our list by 200 people.

200.

people.

wimper.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Fighting

The current battle with my to-do list rages on.

It is harder on days like today when I try to nobly accomplish something difficult, car-related, and tedious and it falls through, wasting the best part of the afternoon.

I feel pulled in so many directions that I want to cry. And my emotions ricochet off the people I like best.

But there is hope of spring.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Yay! I've been tagged!

The Contents of my Purse:

The trick is, I've been carting around two substantial bolsas this week, just trading out my wallet when necessary. So...

Work Purse:

1. Love cartoon from David (in Spanish)
2. Empty fruit snacks wrapper (now it the garbage)
3. Four tea bags
4. Small bottle of ibuprofen
5. Sparkley lime lip gloss
6. Trident white gum
7. Albertson's card
8. Clean pair of socks
9. A bar of cherry almond soap (Christmas gift)
10. Bluetooth
11. Flashdrive
12. Another Albertson's card (?)
13. Bottle of Airborne
14. Nivea hand cream
15. CO Begelow Mentha lip tint (bright red)
16. More Trident white gum
17. Wedding to-do list (unlooked at)
18. Ipod sans headphones
19. Chapstick
20. Hairband
21. 2 ballpoint pens
22. Miscellaneous receipts
23. Manila folder with miscellaneous documents (mostly important)
24. Four periods worth of exams from Tuesday in a blue folder

Sigh. I need to clean my purses.

Fun purse:

1. Wallet
2. Tahiti Sweetie lotion
3. CO Bigelow Mentha lip shine (uncolored)
4. Body Shop lipstick
5. Tiny LED flashlight
6. 3 pens
7. Cover up (I thought I lost that)
8. Sucrets (Maximum strength, black cherry)
9. Small notebook
10. Half-eaten organic chocolate bar
11. Valentine from Ellyn
12. Drawings from David's niece
13. David's mom's business card
14. Penny
15. Toasted nuts 'n Cranberry Luna bar
16. Heart-shaped Reeses
17. Bobby pin
18. Crochet hook (4.0 mm)
19. Check from David's mom for wedding expenses
20. Laffy taffy wrapper
21. Triple Play coupons

I tag Miranda, Christina, Bianca (and Jeni, if you've started carrying a purse)

Monday, February 11, 2008

Photographer. Check.

The more of his work I see, the more blessed I feel that we snatched him up.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

winter woes

Ok, here's the deal. Two winter complaints for two winter happies.

Complaint 1: It snowed 4" again before the chunky ice on the streets melted.

Complaint 2: It's supposed to snow again tomorrow.

Happy 1: A thaw in the forecast! 40 degrees on Friday!!

Happy 2: Yoga is fun. I went for the first time in an attempt to make my new gym membership worth the ridiculous money I paid for it. It was intense. I kind of thought yoga was for sissies, but I was way off. I'm going to hurt tomorrow.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Malawi Memory

I was looking through some pictures from Malawi, and ran across this:



You'll notice he's not wearing pants.

That is a minor detail I did NOT catch when I got distracted by his hand-hewn canoe and shiny fish.

And what a fascinating disconnect to find beauty and pain so close to each other.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Tidbit

I stumbled across this baby in my internet wanderings. Happy travels!

Confronting Whines

Things I whine about regularly:
Being cold
Snow
Winter
Darkness
Getting stuck in the snow
How it snows more and more
Being wet because the snow comes up past my knees
Being tired
Moron students

Things I should talk about more:

How much I love David
How nice he is to me even when I whine
What I read in my Bible
What I read for fun
Music I like
People I like
Giggling with my roommates
How liberating it is to just Stop Doing My Hair. Or brushing it.
How glad I am to have a car even if it gets high-centered on the SnowIce or doesn't start or the alarm goes off accidentally
How much fun my job can be
How I make my students do/say silly things just to make me secretly laugh at them
The fun people I work with
Yummy food
How glad I am to have health insurance
Two snow days that we don't have to make up
The fun party I get in June
The fun vacation I get after the party

P.S. Do I need your address for an invitation? Email me!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Answered Prayers (even semi-silly ones)

It's snowed a little bit here in town. Yesterday, David and I spent a couple or three hours digging out cars from the freshly plowed streets. Yes, they even plowed the side streets, even though that was 3-4 inches ago. We dug out my new car (side note: YAY!). Even though I'm refusing to drive it in this beast-weather until I have insurance, it's easier to dig freshly plowed snow than iced-over-compacted-mountains. We dug out a neighbor's car. We dug out David's car. We dug out another neighbor's car. We dug out his parents' driveway. It was the most exercise I'd gotten in months.

Featured in this photograph: my Handsome and Hardworking fiance, my pretty car, and the 11" or so of snow.



As all of this occurred, schools were closing like mad. Some waited for the Official Meeting to see what the combined opinions of such trustworthies as the State Patrol, Firefighters, Snow Plow Crews, and Paramedics thought. They shouted a resounding, "STAY HOME! DON'T BE AN IDIOT!" Most school districts closed. Except mine and the two other valley districts. I prayed, "Jesus, if it's going to snow, and least make it snow big enough to miss school. Amen."

This morning I woke up and checked the school closures. No Luck. The teacher giving me a ride was too afraid to come into my neighborhood (justifiable caution), so I was going to meet her at a bus stop 7 blocks away. I thought mutinous thoughts at this point. There is no reason to have school when none of the kids are going to show up anyway. They must despise us and want us to die icy deaths.

Luckily, I checked schools again, and we have reluctantly closed. And not until 5:30 a.m. AFTER the other schools. How heroic.

But YAY! I get to build a snowman with David today!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Big Decision

I need to buy a car. I have been without vehicle for about a month now, due to former car being sadly totaled. I'm sure it's been a wonderful humbling experience and lovely money-saver. However, I would like a car now. In my price range are jewels like this. Pickings are slim. Young women are taken advantage of. I need help!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Happy New Year!

It turns out we were in the right place at the right time. Edinburgh is internationally famous for its Hogmanay (New Year) celebrations.

By chance, we made it to the Torchlight Procession in which we, with 15,000 other people, processed through about two miles of the main streets with torches. We walked up Calton Hill and watched a giant Viking ship and a wooden stag burn like the biggest bonfire you've ever seen. They then set off the most incredible fireworks show I had ever seen until that night.







On New Year's Eve itself, we witnessed the biggest, friendliest, and wildest street party in the world. They closed off most streets in the downtown area and all of Edinburgh turned out, most with bottles in their hands, to dance, sing, drink, watch concerts, and party through the night. There were four or five stages set up with bands playing simultaneously. We ended up on a bridge at midnight, and watched two elaborate and identical fireworks shows on each side of the bridge, one at Edinburgh Castle and the other at Calton Hill. Strangers wished us a happy new year with shouts and handshakes and hugs.

This video gives you a great idea of what it looked like. It's a bit long, so if you get bored, skip to the last 30 seconds or so.



Yes, it was really like that.

Tourist Highlights