Parent Conferences: therapy blogging

Dear Cuckoo Mom,

My naivete surfaced immediately, as I assumed that parents of bright, high-achieving, socially competent and respectful young men were a) sane and b) not likely to cause unnecessary trouble. Silly me. Thank you for taking the time to cure me of my ignorance.

Upon reflection, I have come to a few interesting conclusions about you, your son, and me. Let's start with me. I'll save your baby boy for last just to keep you reading.

While I am an emotional and passionate person, in my professional capacity I act sensibly. Your darling Mattykins and his bestest buddy (of paper airplane throwing fame) turned in quizzes with the Exact Same Answers. The Exact Same Mistakes. Unusual Mistakes. They were sitting next to each other. So I am left with one test for two students. Until I know whose test it is, they get zeros. It will take 5 minutes to make up. I am not necessarily accusing your Little Muffin of cheating. I will not retract the zero until I know the skill level of both students. Sorry. All teachers who care about students do this. I work my tail off so those kids learn. It is not in your best interest to make me cry and lose sleep over this. I need sanity and sleep to do my best work.

You, madam, are nuts. I understand you don't like that "someone is accusing your son of cheating" and "he is a young man of the highest integrity" and "you are furious at the principle of the matter" and "this B+ is the lowest grade he's gotten in four years." I was a scrupulous student as well. However, this is his MIDQUARTER grade that NO ONE will EVER SEE AGAIN. Calm down. I would recommend deciding on things that are really important to be raging mad about, and staying calm about things that are less important. For your health, ma'am.

I will extend the greatest compassion to your son because I have seen from your behavior that he does not receive any at home. If you fly into a rage in which you are shaking with fury because of a 9 point quiz that is easily retaken, I am terrified to think of the other expectations you put on your son. If he cheated, by all means be disappointed. But he will make mistakes. So will you. It's best he makes them in my class because I'm not likely to have him suspended and give him an F in the course. You may even consider letting the young man take responsibility for himself. He is smart. He is considerate. He can do it.

Sincerely,
New Teacher