My aunt and uncle have been going through my grandpa's papers and files - a daunting task that is taking a long time. Periodically they send a big envelope of old letters, pictures, news articles, and other paraphernalia they think I would find interesting. I always do because I'm a nerd like that.

This morning I opened their most recent gift. They found my grandpa's Proud Father file for my daddy. There were priceless old photos of him in high school working in his shop, clippings of the Moscow, Idaho newspaper about him as the featured cellist in the University symphony. I had no idea he was making cellos and playing featured solos in the University symphony as a sophomore in high school. There were also old programs from his funeral, at which members of the Seattle Symphony played, as he made the bows for most of the strings section. There's still an article on the internet about him.

It made me cry. Still, after almost 10 years, I feel a deep grief for his absence, and illogically hope that it will all have turned out to be a mistake and he can come be my dad again.