Sometimes I take things personally. I actually don't know how not to take things personally. In part, that may be due to my being a Generally Passionate Person. In other (greater?) part, it is probably pride and ego.
For example, yesterday someone inadvertently hurt my feelings. It was stupid. I knew at the time that no offense was meant, but there was a chance - one little lowercase c chance - that a Shove Off and Leave Me Alone was disguised as an innocent comment. So, I took it personally and assumed the worst. It was stupid. Then I promptly got embarrassed for being so silly, which, of course, made it worse.
And the whole situation reminded me of Lewis, I think in Mere Christianity. He writes that we like to think that we are the people we act like when everything is going well. I like to think that I am joyful and peaceful and encouraging because I have a pretty easy time being those things when life is great. When I am tired, hungry, grieving, or otherwise just plain cranky, I blame what I become on those externals. It's not Me, Mary, who is selfish, prideful, vain, critical, and spiteful. It's just because I'm hungry, or tired, or whatever. But Lewis calls me out (as he usually does) and reminds me that who I really am comes out in moments of trial. And I am still really far from who I want to be. What I call being sensitive is actually just being proud. Where I need to be sensitive is for others' sake. I need to be more sensitive to the pain, loneliness, needs, and beauty of others and not to imagined slights.
All in all, it was a humbling day.
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6 comments:
Mary, I think we can all learn from your insight into emotions and sensitivity. It hits all too close to home!
As my wise sissy told me once "the negative things about you don't disqualify or outweigh all the wonderful things about you."
My dear friend, you are a wonderful mix of the divine and the human. Be encouraged that Christ's blood was sufficient to give you a new nature. You are no longer defined by your fallen nature eventhough it tries to rear it's ugly head every now and then. I love you!
ln
One thing I've learned is that there is no need to worry about "better" or "worse" natures. It's all the same nature, really, for good or ill. When things go well, that's you. When things are mind-blastingly aweful, that's you, too. So quit agonizing about who you are, and keep living.
MARY...God must be refining His people...I wrote a blog (MySpace) yesterday about pride and needing be be humble, too!!! How encouraging that you know how I feel...God is faithful to answer the groanings of your heart...just ask Him.
For me, my hyper-sensitivity really is an outpouring of my pride. I get all hurt, which I then realize comes down to me basically saying, "Well, what about ME?" Unfortunately, this happens WAY to often for me.
Mary, times like that are hard and it good that you realized things and were able to think about ways of change it shows what kind of a person that you are!
You are an amazing woman of GOD and everyone has their downfalls. But you have peoples heart in mind which is what matters. You have so many awesome qualities i could sit here forever and tell them to you but i think it would take a lifetime. I know you make me feel blessed to have you in my life and loved knowing that you really care. I hope that you have a great day and I love you!
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