The top story in today's news covers the surge of obesity in America. As it turns out, Jack in the Box and copious amounts of M-azing candies will actually made a moderately small girl's belly swell to pregnant proportions. This, in addition to the sugar rush from the chocolate and root beer, causes irritability, wild mood swings, and uncomfortable burping. So the moral of this news story is to eat more spinach and for the love of Pete, put your candy away.
Our city's arts are flourishing this Christmas season, with a present-wrapping bash occurring yesterday afternoon, followed by a haiku and limerick workshop by two of the region's most promising poets, Mary and Karli. A sampling of their poetry may be purchased online for a mere $40.
And now for the weather: It is a balmy 34 degrees here in the Inland Northwest, with light showers and an abundance of melting, muddy sludge. This heat wave should be around all week, so break out your shorts, kids! It's practically summer! On a concerning note, when it rains on the three inch layer of ice covering the sidewalks, the ice does become more slippery and more conducive to falling on one's head. Not that this has happened to _this_ reporter, although I'm sure it would cause strangers to laugh and point at the poor soul who does trip.
That's pretty much all. I don't think I would make a very good reporter, but hopefully it's entertaining.
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2 comments:
Anchor 1: Alright folks, here's the weather with, Guy Cloud.
Weather Guy: It looks like we will enjoy another fine day here in Southern California. Say, I feel sorry for all those New Yorkers having to walk to work in that weather. Luckily here in California we don't walk.
Anchor 2: ha ha ha
Weather Guy: But it looks like it will remain in the upper 70's throughout the weekend. So you better make sure you make some snow on your roofs so that Santa can land his sleigh. Back to you guys.
Anchor 1: I hope the reindeer don't get too hot with their fur coats.
Anchor 2: And now on to sports...
34?!?!? why'd it waitto get warm until we left?
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