I had a good day at school - the first Really Good one since I've been back. I'm phasing into student teaching (= taking over more and more of each period or each day until I'm doing it all), and today I taught a lot of Spanish. It went so well - first period was kind of iffy. When I'm nervous I'm a lot less fun. But by third period I was on a roll - I ended the class laughing and with a Teacher High I'd never had before. The kind when everything's gone right and I feel good and the kids feel good and the lesson went well and we even snuck in some school in there. It was nice to actually feel like a teacher instead of Some Big Fake.
The high lasted until about twenty minutes ago, and now I'm fighting off a bout of Loneliness. It's hard to come home after being gone for a month and feel like all of a sudden I only have two friends and they're both working. It's hard to talk to a group of people at church and be the only person not invited by name to a get together. It's also hard to reach out and love other people (instead of being stuck in this marycentric attitude) when I don't feel like anyone really wants to talk to me anyway.
I know part of it is still adjusting to America again. We live in a culture that values Independence, Individualism, and Rights. I prefer those things to be balanced with a little more Community, Service, and Responsibility. Part of recovering from trips like this is feeling lonely, but I wonder how much is me recovering, how much is perceived, and how much is valid.
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1 comment:
I miss you! I'm sorry you feel lonely- wish I could come hang out with you, maybe make some tasty food and watch the pink P&P. I'm craving Mary-time right now!
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