Dear Parents,
I am rarely angry. In fact, generally speaking, I am the soul of patience and compassion. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for the opportunity to be filled with a burning rage for the afternoon! What an interesting experience! And the added bonus of self-control by holding my tongue and not swearing at you, yelling, or berating your second-rate offspring! You are too generous.
In case you weren't listening to me earlier because you were too busy yelling at me on speakerphone (another new experience! Both of you yelling at once! What novelty!), I would like to make a few key points clear.
Main Point: It is not my fault that your son is inevitably destined to drop out of school. That pleasure, I'm afraid, must belong to the two of you and your spawn.
If, however, he stays in school here are some useful tips for you to keep track of him:
Do
1. Think about the situation in its entirety before yelling incoherently at a teacher.
2. If you think in September that your son may do better with a teacher whose class he has not previously failed, switch teachers immediately.
3. Take away his damn cell phone.
4. Don't just check his grades online! Check his attendance as well! Perhaps if he is late to 4th period more than, say 10 times a semester, you should ask him to shorten his marijuana time with friends at lunch so he can go to class.
5. Take responsibility for your own kid.
6. Be concerned before finals week if you son has a D or lower in Spanish I... for the second time in his high school career. And don't be surprised and infuriated with the teacher that it dropped to an F. Perhaps it was because the student failed. Weird.
7. Read the class information sheet that was sent home in September. I promise it explained in detail the grading policy, deadline for making up tests, participation, and cell phone policy. Oh oops... that was the second missing assignment of the year.
8. That should have been a red flag.
And, just for future reference, calling me a heartless person without compassion who should have taken responsibility for the situation was not very kind. Or accurate. I assumed that a 17 year old, whom I check in with weekly, should be able to a) Learn the material that he missed last time around; b) Use the plethora of resources around him, including the two special Spanish-speaking tutors, for extra help; and c) Advocate for himself. If he can't, you didn't do your job either.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, December 04, 2009
International Mix-up
Last night our Spanish and French Clubs hosted an International Mixer. We invited all the exchange students from the area and bribed our kids to come with extra credit. There was quite the showing - 30 or so exchange students and maybe 80 of our students.
Aside from the obvious complaint of a 14-hour workday punctuated by watching children dirty dancing (and scolding them, of course. eeew. grinding.), it is a lot of fun. The kids have a great time. They meet people and tell me, "Wow, you weren't joking when you said there'd be cute foreign people here."
My personal highlight, though, occurred near the end. I was congratulating one of my Bangladeshi students on actually dancing at the dance (which he had previously said he would not do), when one of his international buddies from Pakistan walked up.
Boy: Are you a teacher?
Me: Yes.
Boy: Will you dance with me?
Me: No.
Boy: What??
Me: No.
Boy: Why not?
Me: Because I'm married and I don't dance with students.
Boy: It's just a dance!
Me: No.
Boy: Come on!
Me: No.
Boy: You break my heart.
Me: I will not dance with you. Why don't you ask one of those girls?
Boy: But I want to dance with you.
Me: But I said no.
Realizing this conversation could go on indefinitely, with my part of the script starting to be redundant, I walked away. My Bangladeshi student was laughing hysterically, of course. He claims he had nothing to do with it.
The next day, one of my other exchange students told me, "That boy was confused. We tried to tell him a teacher wouldn't dance with him, but he isn't used to girls telling him no."
A little dose of rejection is healthy for some people.
Aside from the obvious complaint of a 14-hour workday punctuated by watching children dirty dancing (and scolding them, of course. eeew. grinding.), it is a lot of fun. The kids have a great time. They meet people and tell me, "Wow, you weren't joking when you said there'd be cute foreign people here."
My personal highlight, though, occurred near the end. I was congratulating one of my Bangladeshi students on actually dancing at the dance (which he had previously said he would not do), when one of his international buddies from Pakistan walked up.
Boy: Are you a teacher?
Me: Yes.
Boy: Will you dance with me?
Me: No.
Boy: What??
Me: No.
Boy: Why not?
Me: Because I'm married and I don't dance with students.
Boy: It's just a dance!
Me: No.
Boy: Come on!
Me: No.
Boy: You break my heart.
Me: I will not dance with you. Why don't you ask one of those girls?
Boy: But I want to dance with you.
Me: But I said no.
Realizing this conversation could go on indefinitely, with my part of the script starting to be redundant, I walked away. My Bangladeshi student was laughing hysterically, of course. He claims he had nothing to do with it.
The next day, one of my other exchange students told me, "That boy was confused. We tried to tell him a teacher wouldn't dance with him, but he isn't used to girls telling him no."
A little dose of rejection is healthy for some people.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Spanish Class Booker Awards
Stories written while I was out sick. They are translated for meaning, not accuracy (some of the words are wrong). :)
Un dia Brett juega en la clase de español y tiene hambre. Brett dice, "Mrs. Solan, hazme un bocadillo ahora." Mrs. Solan va a la cafetería y prepara un bocadillo en la cafeteria. En la clase de espanol los estudiantes van a la Chuck E Cheese. Mrs. Solan regresa a la clase y no hay estudiantes. Mrs. Solan dice "ay chihuahua. Yo necesito los estudiantes." Mrs Solan va la la chuck-E-Cheese y grita "Regresa a la clase ahora." Brett está en el agujero de bols y Mrs. Solan está muy furiosa. Brett agarra el bocadillo de Mrs. Solan y regresa a la clase de español. El Fin.
One day Brett plays in Spanish class and gets hungry. He says, "Mrs. Solan, make me a sandwich now." Mrs. Solan goes to the cafeteria and prepares a sandwich in the cafeteria. In Spanish class, the students go to Chuck E Cheese. Mrs. Solan returns to class and there aren't any students. Mrs. Solan says, "Ay chihuahua. I need the students." Mrs. Solan goes to Chuck-E-Cheese and yells, "Get back to class now." Brett is in the ball pit and Mrs. Solan is very furious. Brett grabs the sandwich from Mrs. Solan and returns to class. The end.
And choice exerpts from others:
El gato robato ataca humanos porque los cerebros son grandes. De repente, las baterías del gato robato mueren.
The robot cat attacks humans because their brains are big. Suddenly, the robot cat's batteries die.
Baillin Walling tiene dedos de salchica.
Baillin Walling has sausage fingers.
Hay una chica. Ella va al centro comerical con su cacahuate. Pero ellos viven en la selva. Cuando entran el centro comercial un mono ataca ellos y el mono come el cacahuate. Ay chihuahua. Ella va y compra un amigo nuevo. Ella compra un platano. Pero un mono ataca la chica y come el platano. El fin.
There is a girl. She goes to the mall with her peanut. But they live in the jungle. When they enter the mall, a monkey attacks them and the monkey eats the peanut. Oh bummer. She goes and buys a new friend. She buys a banana. But a monkey attacks the girl and eats the banana. The end.
El tiburon entra el centro comercial. El tiburon entra champs y compra los pantalones cortos. El tiburon va a la casa. La novia del tiburon dice, "no me gustan pantalones cortos. El tiburon dice no se. el tiburaon va a la cantina y bebe para olvidar sus problemas.
The shark enters the mall. The shark enters Champs and buys shorts. The shark goes home. His girlfriend says, "I don't like shorts." The shark says, "I don't know." The shark goes to the bar and drinks to forget his problems.
Un dia Brett juega en la clase de español y tiene hambre. Brett dice, "Mrs. Solan, hazme un bocadillo ahora." Mrs. Solan va a la cafetería y prepara un bocadillo en la cafeteria. En la clase de espanol los estudiantes van a la Chuck E Cheese. Mrs. Solan regresa a la clase y no hay estudiantes. Mrs. Solan dice "ay chihuahua. Yo necesito los estudiantes." Mrs Solan va la la chuck-E-Cheese y grita "Regresa a la clase ahora." Brett está en el agujero de bols y Mrs. Solan está muy furiosa. Brett agarra el bocadillo de Mrs. Solan y regresa a la clase de español. El Fin.
One day Brett plays in Spanish class and gets hungry. He says, "Mrs. Solan, make me a sandwich now." Mrs. Solan goes to the cafeteria and prepares a sandwich in the cafeteria. In Spanish class, the students go to Chuck E Cheese. Mrs. Solan returns to class and there aren't any students. Mrs. Solan says, "Ay chihuahua. I need the students." Mrs. Solan goes to Chuck-E-Cheese and yells, "Get back to class now." Brett is in the ball pit and Mrs. Solan is very furious. Brett grabs the sandwich from Mrs. Solan and returns to class. The end.
And choice exerpts from others:
El gato robato ataca humanos porque los cerebros son grandes. De repente, las baterías del gato robato mueren.
The robot cat attacks humans because their brains are big. Suddenly, the robot cat's batteries die.
Baillin Walling tiene dedos de salchica.
Baillin Walling has sausage fingers.
Hay una chica. Ella va al centro comerical con su cacahuate. Pero ellos viven en la selva. Cuando entran el centro comercial un mono ataca ellos y el mono come el cacahuate. Ay chihuahua. Ella va y compra un amigo nuevo. Ella compra un platano. Pero un mono ataca la chica y come el platano. El fin.
There is a girl. She goes to the mall with her peanut. But they live in the jungle. When they enter the mall, a monkey attacks them and the monkey eats the peanut. Oh bummer. She goes and buys a new friend. She buys a banana. But a monkey attacks the girl and eats the banana. The end.
El tiburon entra el centro comercial. El tiburon entra champs y compra los pantalones cortos. El tiburon va a la casa. La novia del tiburon dice, "no me gustan pantalones cortos. El tiburon dice no se. el tiburaon va a la cantina y bebe para olvidar sus problemas.
The shark enters the mall. The shark enters Champs and buys shorts. The shark goes home. His girlfriend says, "I don't like shorts." The shark says, "I don't know." The shark goes to the bar and drinks to forget his problems.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Top 10 Signs a Substitute is a Substidon't
1. The class average on an assignment jumped from 29% (with regular teacher present) to 86% (substitute present)
2. The two class troublemakers love him
3. Underneath the directions on the lesson plan, the sub wrote, "We didn't have anything to do in this period."
4. Chairs are strewn throughout the classroom
5. The vocab quiz the kids were supposed to take mysteriously disappeared
6. There are thirty extra vocab quizzes sitting on my desk
7. The most commonly used adjective students use to describe him is "Creeper"
8. "Is hot" has been added to the teacher's room nameplate
9. The word "GAY" was written across the whiteboard in red marker
10. There is a swastika in the corner of the whiteboard.
On an additional note, I have to figure out how to deal with a kid who made fun of my coworker's accent when she (kindly and without duress) took over my class so I could leave early. The kicker: there are 3 students in that period who are from other countries and have accents. Some people make me mad. Oh - and the other irony is that the mocker is black. Yeah. Let's put people down because they're different and they can't help it.
2. The two class troublemakers love him
3. Underneath the directions on the lesson plan, the sub wrote, "We didn't have anything to do in this period."
4. Chairs are strewn throughout the classroom
5. The vocab quiz the kids were supposed to take mysteriously disappeared
6. There are thirty extra vocab quizzes sitting on my desk
7. The most commonly used adjective students use to describe him is "Creeper"
8. "Is hot" has been added to the teacher's room nameplate
9. The word "GAY" was written across the whiteboard in red marker
10. There is a swastika in the corner of the whiteboard.
On an additional note, I have to figure out how to deal with a kid who made fun of my coworker's accent when she (kindly and without duress) took over my class so I could leave early. The kicker: there are 3 students in that period who are from other countries and have accents. Some people make me mad. Oh - and the other irony is that the mocker is black. Yeah. Let's put people down because they're different and they can't help it.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
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