Fifty

Fifty Alternative and Appropriate Ways I Could Have Expressed Myself Better Than by Saying, "What the Hell?"
As turned in by Pablo today.

1. Wut?
2. Wut the google?
3. Wut the gout?
4. Wut did you say?
5. Wow
6. relly
7. why did you say that
8. critan
9. why me
10. thats cool
11. thats nice
12. I dint need to no that
13. how dos your mom feal about that?
14. shut the front door
15. rell mucher
16. good one
17. how did you no
18. I dint no that
19. thats not cool
20. why would you say that
21. thats stoker statis
22. I dint no you liked that
23. does you dad no
24. did you talk to my mom
25. how tells this liyes
26. how was your lunch
27. that angerd me
28. Im telling mom
29. Im telling dad
30. Ill git you back
31. holy stics
32. holy tost
33. holy goat
34. holy mother of mine
35. holy mike (boy in the class... last name deleted for privacy)
36. sond fun
37. you sond like sheep
38. you smell like sheep
39. are you a gout
40. how do you live with your self
41. look a goos
42. why mee
43. do you have to talk
44. I disagre
45. wut the dog
46. wut the can
47. wut the house
48. wut the school
49. wut the monster man
50. I'll google that

My personal favorites are #38 and #43. I'd also like to point out that this student can spell the word "would" correctly, but has trouble with... everything else. Can anyone figure out #s 8, 15, or 25?

School!

Three days down - one hundred and seventy-seven to go!

I look around my second year classes and think fuzzy thoughts about my students from last year. They are energetic and focused and well-trained. I've already broken their will and don't have to work too hard to manage them.

The first years are learning slowly. I appear all Sweetness and Light. Until you screw around.

I spent some time looking up some of my kids' disciplinary records. Holy cow - some of these kids were getting into Serious Trouble at a very young age (think snorting smashed hyros at school or bringing glass shards and threatening to cut someone until they're dead in 7th grade). Yikes.

In the meantime, there is much to get used to. High heels. Dress clothes. Performing the Mary Show 5 hours a day. Waking up at 6. You know, work.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm thinking about taking up Bog Snorkling. Anyone want to train with me?

The Garden

Gardening proved to be an unexpected delight this summer - I wanted a hobby and found one that brought joy and awe and food all at the same time! Here are some pictures of my babies:





Nasturtiums taste like pepper, incidentally. Yes, those are jalapenos too - there are going to be a lot of them in about a week. Anyone want to come over for nachos?

P.S. School starts on Tuesday. Yipe!

The Polish in Me

I recently learned that my family is part Polish - it was one of those facts that everyone assumed I knew so they never actually mentioned it. Until this summer. When someone told a rude Polish joke to my cousin and she responded, "Um, I'm Polish," and stalked away pretending to be angry in order to leave the unfortunate jokster in a state of shame. My mom related this story to me and was shocked when I asked her if I was Polish too.

I've decided that it would improve my life greatly to practice partying like the Polish. Last Saturday, my dear cousin married a Polish girl. The wedding festivities were wild. There was a Traditional Polish-Catholic wedding mass, complete with a reading from the apocrypha (in Polish... I'm not sure what Tobit is about, and I keep forgetting to reread it) and a presentation of roses to Mary (the Virgin, that is). After the ceremony commenced much merrymaking in the form of a plethora of vodka. Lots of vodka. The bride and groom were presented with a loaf of bread (symbolizing God) and salt (symbolizing prosperity), which they had to eat. They washed it down with a shot of clear liquid - another tradition: whoever gets the one with vodka wears the pants in the family. The other is filled with water. Then lots of dancing and speeches in both languages. More dancing. Shouting at the couple to kiss. Singing the traditional toast. It was awesome.

So, large quantities of vodka aside, my new goal is to dance more and shout joyfully for people to kiss. I'll let you know how it goes.

Summer, part 1

Well, we're on day 31 of summer. It doesn't feel like it's been that long at all. David and I recently returned from a 3-week vacation with my mom - first to the North Woods of Wisconsin for lakes and woods, hiking, biking, and small woodland creatures; then to Chicago for a day (Harry Potter Exhibition at the Museum of Science and Industry, anyone?); then finally to the Lake.

The funny moments:
We tried to see the Chicago fireworks, but the city magazine gave the wrong time. Like, seriously wrong. We arrived when it was over.
One evening we went out to row a boat around, but the mosquitos were so aggressive and numerous, we made a very funny picture for my cousins, shrieking and slapping and spinning in circles.
Watching a mink family fight over a freshly-caught fish while rowing around the island in a wooden rowboat built for a 5 year-old ( a perfect fit for me, actually).
We were plagued with unseasonable weather for most of the three weeks. It was fairly cold and very rainy. We braved some hikes and bike rides anyway, but it made for a surreal summer break overall. Swimming is one of my favorite things to do at the lake, and it was much too cold for me to do anything but jump in and climb out immediately.

There was a lot of time for thinking, though. I thought a lot about my family - the lake has been an enormous part of my family history for four generations. My great-grandparents met there. My grandfather and father spent all summer, every summer there. My strongest and fondest memories of my grandparents and dad are at the lake. For many of those rainy afternoons, I was remembering. My grandma let me help knead bread dough with her in the kitchen, and she and I "fished" for nails off the dock with a magnet on a string (the construction workers are careless with nails, and there were many small children crawling around). She told me a story about one of her cousins slipping on a freshly-waxed floor on her hiney, and I thought she would suffocate with laughter - she laughed so hard I very seriously thought she was going to die (I was maybe 10).

And my grandfather has such a legacy up there that the folks at church talk to us just because we're related. He loved that place - I hope, for his sake, that heaven is very similar.

And my dad. Sailing, playing the cello on the boathouse roof, playing diving games with me for hours, and taking us for long boat rides up the lake. It was the happiest I remember him.

And when we leave, it's like having to say goodbye again.