and i've been tagged

i'm skipping the links because i don't know anyone who hasn't already done this.

What were you doing 10 years ago?

January 1996: at the tender age of 12, i was swearing like a sailor, determining my worth by number of boyfriends (then 0, both worth and boyfriends), getting into verbal fights with my "best friend", and generally living a lonely, depressed, and chaotic life.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

January 2005: Oh! i had just finished the Best January Ever, taking spanish, water aerobics and ballroom dancing. by tuesday morning i had gone to my first senior project class and was feeling panicked and afraid of dr. death sugano. otherwise, enjoying friends tremendously.


Five snacks you enjoy:

A. blueberry poptarts
B. fruit and nut granola bars
C. chips and salsa
D. yogurt
E. cheetos

Five songs you know all the words to:

A. "Buleria" by David Bisbal
B. "His Eye is on the Sparrow" as sung by Lauryn Hill
C. "Fever" as sung by Michael Buble
D. "On Jordan's Stormy Banks I Stand" by Jars of Clay
E. pretty much everything by Jennifer Knapp

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
A. travel like a madwoman
B. feed and house some people
C. buy my mom a new car
D. send some kids to college
E. buy a little black dress... and shoes.

Five bad habits:
A. coffee addiction
B. i'm with jeni on the self-deprecation
C. surviving on verbal affirmation
D. worrying
E. general swooning

Five things you enjoy doing:
A. reading
B. laughing
C. listening to amazing live music in my living room
D. ice skating
E. cooking

Five things you would never wear again:
A. paint-spatter stretch pants
B. anything with neon hearts on it
C. yellow scrunchi with beads.... eeewww
D. shirts that show my belly
E. t-shirts with puppies on them

Five favorite toys:
A. my cell phone
B. deck of cards
C. the toy in my car that twirls around and lights up
D. ellyn's cow flashlight that moos
E. hair straightener...

the situation:

so, i think we're all feeling much better.

although none of us has spent more than 45 minutes at home alone when it's dark.

i personally have made 2 frantic phone calls around sunset seeking refuge. the first one was along the lines of, "hey guys. where are you? can i come? nobody's at home and it's dark and i have an hour and a half before i have to be somewhere and i don't know what to do and i hate asking for help like this but could you possibly want to hang out. maybe?" the second one went a little like this, "um... hi. it's mary. so... it's pretty dark outside. are you at home? can i come over?"

i am not known for my eloquence.

but yay for friends who let me randomly show up at their houses and even give me mike's hard lime and dinner!

and fury wells up within me

last night, i was home alone, getting ready to go to group. i went potty then sat on my bed to put shoes on, when i heard something moving on the roof right overhead. between my head and the SKYLIGHT OVER THE FREAKING BATHROOM WHERE WE PEE AND GET NAKED. i sat very still and listened. someone (it was a person) took three steps, sat down, slid off the roof (he was wearing a hoodie with a zipper), landed lightly on the deck and walked calmly away.

it was not a cat, crow, frisbee, or imagined sprite. it was most definitely a person. i freaked out a little, grabbed my purse and fled to my car. my group leader made me call the police. they checked it out, found nothing. we taped paper over the skylight. three of our Brave and Wonderful guy friends (well, one is a boyfriend of a roommate) came over to make their presence known and calm us. four if you count mr. opted out who stood in the doorway awkwardly for 5 minutes to make sure we were ok, then left.

i feel Vulnerable, Helpless, Violated, and Angry. FILLED WITH RAGE, even. And I have no idea what to do now. I am positively itching to ACT, but can't think of anything productive to do. Ideas?

The Difficulty Caused by Handsome Bosses

When my boss calls at 10pm to ask if I can drive a sullen teenage girl from the Valley to Medical Lake at 6:45 in the morning, I say, "Sure, no problem!"

Sensible? Not so much.

Charitable and/or hardworking? Definitely not.

Temporary brain malfuncion caused by swooning? Probably.

Significance?

What does it mean, exactly, when one gets stood up by a therapist? Not mine, per se. I have bi-monthly meetings with my foster kids' therapists, and occasionally get stood up. Like this morning when I dutifully showed up at 8:15 am. Oh well.

Weekend in Summary

1 saturday morning standardized test featuring questions like, "which of the following shapes is a trapezoid?" or "in the paragraph above, the word 'approve' most nearly means..."

1 attempted elimination of the pungent urine smell that infests my car

1 failed attempt at dancing

1 sleeping in day

2 super-awkward interactions at church with mr. movie-mind

11 people at my house to listen to Prince Caspian read out-loud

2 wee morning conversations/prayers with my darling roommate

On How my Missing Paycheck Paid Off

My paycheck was missing this morning. This is worrisome. I like my paychecks. Our Avista bill is due soon, not to mention rent. So my boss sent me Upstairs to speak with the Powers that Be.

As I was explaining my predicament to ms. bewildered secretary, the Handsomest Man I have seen in a Long Time, casually walked by and said, "Uh oh - I hate it when they steal your paycheck."

Swoon.

Then I got to share the elevator with Handsome Man. Swoon again. I don't really remember much, but I know there was Talking involved. Probably shameless flirting that my embarrassed mind has since blocked out.

Now to figure out who this guy is...

Adventure

Reading poetic and very nearly unbelievable emails from Catherine in Egypt; blogs from friends traveling through Turkey, Israel, and Egypt; my roommate going to Europe for a 10-day jaunt with her dad, and even dear Lizzie in Nebraska having Adventures with Attractive Baristas has made me wistful. To say the least. Longing desperately for adventure is perhaps more accurate. I am tired of the archive computers, the rain, and this blasted headache. BAH. So there.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to write this silly article. I have a draft (probably awful... I haven't had the heart to edit it yet today), and to help with my opening sentence, I decided to look over the fist sentences of all the stories printed today. Here is my inspiration:

"A cornucopia of contemporary art is on view..."

"Paul Smith has an offbeat way of looking at nature."

"Musicians are a close-knit group, and musical friendships produce some exciting musical results."

That's pretty much it. Maybe I don't need to worry as much as I am.

rainy saturdays

hurrah for tea and coffeeshops and laptops! todays goals: apply to grad school, write the aforementioned article, finish paperwork, prepare a powerpoint for church tomorrow, and then.... oh then... more swing dancing fun! i'm less sore from the four hours of dancing last night than i expected, so watch out. oh man, i've missed swing!

Wait, I'm not pregnant?

Ocassionally, I am a vivid dreamer. My dreams can be so present in my mind that I wake up believing wholeheartedly that my dream the night before was reality. This has been known to last for as long as three or four days.

Last night I dreamt that I was three months pregnant. I went in to the ob/gyn with my mom (who lives 300 miles away in real life), and the doc came in and said, "well, hon, you're three months along. who's the father?"

That question really confused me. I don't think I answered. But I remember feeling sharp panic, guilt, and fear. My mom was super: calm, collected, smiling. I bolted from the office into my own room and examined my belly. It looks like it does in real, non-pregnant life. Increase panic as I think of my poor eating habits and the occasional glass of wine that might have hurt my baby. Increase confusion as I think about who the father is, and realize that I haven't had sex. Pregnant women almost always have sex first. Then I think of every sketchy public restroom I've been in and wonder if we can catch sperm like we can catch crabs. Eew.

Then I realize no one will believe me and I will be ostracized as a whore and a liar, the latter being less forgivable. Eventually, I suck it up and think, 'oh well. good thing I like babies and have a job. I should look into health insurance.'

I wake up, and believe for approximately half an hour that I am, indeed, with child. It took a lot of effort to realize that it was a dream.

This happened last January too. I believed I was pregnant for three or four days and walked around feeling afraid and ashamed. Now I'm stuck trying to figure out where this came from in the depths of my subconscious. Any ideas?

Destructo Tour 2006

I feel like I've been talking about nothing but destruction the last few days. I think I'm done. Besides, I have really cool news. I showed my boss (the editorial photo guy) my pictures, and he liked them. He liked them enough to talk to editors about publishing a story with my photos. So now I need to write an article for the newspaper about the trip. Yay and Yikes all at the same time.

New Orleans

I am lost trying to communicate my experiences last week. We saw the result of the wind, the floodwaters swirling twelve feet high through homes, through whole neighborhoods. We saw cars on top of fences, boats in the highway, crumbled walls covered with black mold, grown men choking back tears. We walked through strangers' houses and removed every scrap of memory down to the insulation, leaving it in a toxic, shoulder-high pile on the side of the road. We smelled the mold, the refrigerator waters, the sea. We prayed for a police officer who has been forbidden by the city to leave New Orleans and forced to work every day. Every day. So that he cannot spend time with his family or rebuild his own home. We prayed for a single mother whose home had been her attempt at a new life after her husband left her.

We went to Mississippi where the storm hit in full force, bringing a surge of ocean over the coast that tore houses from their foundations when it receded. There was nothing left except for the foundation and some garbage.

We also laughed like crazy, sang songs while tearing down walls, played football with children, ate marvelous southern food, and screamed at the biggest cockroaches I've ever seen in my life.

It was heartbreaking and wonderful at the same time.

I'll try to post more photos soon.